


A Schitty! Encouter

by mprods



Category: Schitt's Creek, Shameless (US)
Genre: Cannon-like language, F/M, Gallavich, Gallavich Smut, Inspired by Shameless (US), M/M, Multi, Shameless AU, Shameless Crossover Fic, Shameless x Schitt's Creek, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mprods/pseuds/mprods
Summary: Ian and Mickey just wanted their Canadian road trip to go off without a hitch. They planned for it, saved, bought a car for it - hell, they deserved it. So imagine their surprise when 3 days in, their jeep breaks down in a podunk town called Schitt’s Creek, and they’re stuck there until the car gets fixed. Fucking wonderful.-Schitt’s Creek isn't a bustling tourist town, everyone knows this. Still, the residents have their fair share of interesting visitors from time to time. They know how to be hospitable. So when the newest young married couple found their way to town, all were ready to welcome them, the Schitt way.
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose & Johnny Rose & Moira Rose, Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & Johnny Rose
Comments: 69
Kudos: 135





	1. Welcome to Shitt's Creek!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all, welcome to my first ever fanfic! This idea came to me one day, when I pictured how absolutely hilarious an interaction between Mickey Milkovich and David Rose could be. I didn’t really think I’d ever try and make the vision come alive, but it’s 2021 and i’m on break from work, so why the hell not?
> 
> A couple things to be mindful of before reading: this fic takes place in a Shameless post s11 world, where our boys are stable and free from parole. Ian's an EMT again, Mick partnered up with Kev & V. Now i know Americans who are convicted felons typically aren’t permitted entry into Canada, but let’s just pretend that's not a thing, ok? As far as the Schitt’s Creek timeline, we’re in the early stages of season 5 - so before Patrick proposed to David.
> 
> If you haven’t watched Schitt’s Creek, I’m not positive you’ll totally enjoy this fic, but I hope you’ll still give it a shot, if you feel so inclined. I added visuals to what I could (mostly of Schitt’s creek scenery) because i adore fics with that element, but they arren't crucial to the story.
> 
> This will be somewhat short and fun (or so I hope), probably rounding out at 4 or 5 chapters. Dual POV.
> 
> So yeah, that’s about it. Please leave me comments if you enjoyed it, I’m kinda nervous about jumping into this. Oh, and a massive thanks to Leilah, without whom this fic would'nt ever have been published. Xx

“Alright come here, Firecrotch, you need to relax..” 

[Mickey](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3ba2aa9c3cb02aa28c9c70414927a782/9b9b75eb2a325690-4f/s500x750/138c16848d41dbb183551d9d4d636f885f2ff065.png) smirked as he turned in his seat. He tugged on the back of Ian’s neck, bringing their lips together. The kiss turned heated fairly quickly, as it usually did with them, especially when Mickey was trying to get [Ian](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8afa57a559e1a89414af9d016db4e89c/f655f21ededd8683-4a/s500x750/309550e4b1a83f16b2ab14ad1fe628a22e9c5c43.png) to clear his mind. 

When Ian broke apart, needing to catch his breath, Mickey took the opportunity to tease him further. Trailing his lips down the other man’s jaw, his neck.. 

A delighted moan threatened to escape Ian’s lips, but with the excitement also came the realisation of what his husband was doing - hands tugging at his jeans, head still wondering south.

“Mickey!” he chastised, trying his best to get Mickey to stop. It worked. 

“We are on a road, barely on the side of it, might I add, in broad daylight! I am NOT getting arrested for public indecency.”

“Chill, Gallagher. We’re in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere.” the brunette rolled his eyes but settled back in his seat 

“Plus, if that sign’s anything to go by,” he gestured towards the Welcome to Schitt’s Creek [sign](https://64.media.tumblr.com/181c54667a47200c063ee245c570db03/13d540a41de02ee7-60/s1280x1920/b0bca9c871d334931d352a8e31cc5b2f4f554678.jpg) they had passed a few moments before the car started throwing what Ian could only describe as a mechanical temper tantrum, “this weirdo town clearly encourages sex.” 

Ian sighed, fully exasperated at both his husband and their car. 

This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, their first real one as a stable couple. Once their parole was up and they could finally leave the state of Illinois, all Ian could think about was them getting out of Chicago. 

Their past escapade to Mexico had been a shit show, but he had liked their time together on the road, even if the circumstances had been less than ideal. He knew that if they could do that part of it again — if they could do it now, now that they were married, that they had roots, an established life — it would be perfect. It would finally just be them taking the break they deserved, together. 

“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t try helping..” 

After shooting his husband a glare, Ian got out of the car, praying that maybe he could open the hood and see that the only thing wrong was a cable that had come loose. That could happen right? 

The Jeep he’d gotten them was old, sure, it’s moss green paint chipped in some spots and rusted in others, but he’d been assured it was in great condition. As he opened the front lid, he realised he’d been scammed. 

Lip had told him about the used car auction while they sat on the porch one night, smoking cigarettes, welcoming the slightly chilly April breeze. 

“The guys at the shop say you can pick up some good shit there, for cheap. Vic got a bike he’s been restoring for next to nothing, ended up barely needing any work.” he’d said. “After hearing you complain about how renting’s out of the question, and then Debbie refusing to lend you guys her truck, it seems like buying used is the only choice you have.”

Ian had asked his brother to go along with him to the next auction, knowing it was damn near impossible to scam Lip, but when the day came Freddy was having a rough time, teething coupled with diarrhoea. There was no way he could get away and bringing the little man was out of the question.

So Ian went alone. He was a grown ass man, an EMT, he’d been to prison for fuck’s sake. He could handle buying a used car. 

Turns out he couldn’t. 

The ’92 [Jeep](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1a311d60e28b1bd68a38d12fc5876d6/0ba4fd4aae1d6e86-a6/s400x600/4415be8ef74319d1246e6a50360826bcf6bde502.jpg) Cherokee might have been older than him, but it had relatively low mileage on it, the guys working at the auction had told him all the running cars had to pass inspection before they got sold, and the price was actually something he could afford given his set budget.  
Plus, it was spacious enough for them to be comfortable during the prolonged trip. 

It was perfect, Ian had thought. 

***

You want to help?” Ian called over to his husband. “Great. Put whatever mechanic skills you have to work.”

Steam was still coming out of an unidentified source as Mickey approached the front of the car. 

“On this piece of shit? Hard pass. I ain’t gettin' blown up.”

“It’s a car, you pussy, not a bomb.” 

The shorter man flipped the other off, but leaned in to inspect the damage 

They were both staring at the car engine, not really sure of what their next step should be, when an old pick up truck drove past them on the other side of the road. It merged lanes, and stopped slightly ahead of where they had parked, its hood facing theirs.

An odd looking [guy](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2f7d09914596c82c2573fa178ec12e1b/d70488f7a54d4ec6-ea/s400x600/215a9e7164ad691c0d700f3a482bf5b0852c99b7.jpg) stepped out.

“Hey, you boys having car trouble?” the man asked, coming around the front of his truck.

“Nah, we’re just enjoying the beautiful views. No fu-“

“Yes.” Ian interrupted, shooting daggers at his husband. “It’s probably the engine,” head motioning towards the shitty vehicle behind him, “it’s an old car..” 

:Yeah I can see that.. tell you what, I’ll call for a tow. Bob will have someone down in a minute.``

“Oh, uh, thank you..” Ian said before the man cheerly cut him off.

“I’m Roland Schitt, the mayor of this fine town you’ve wandered into.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Ian Gallagher. This is my husband Mickey.” 

Mickey sarcastically saluted Roland. Though his expression softened.

Mick knew this trip meant a lot to Ian, it meant a lot to him too. 

A “do-over” Ian had called it. Their new chance at a road trip. Mickey honestly would rather forget about their ride to Mexico altogether, forget Ian had left him at the border. But shit was different now. 

They were good, they were married. Ian wasn’t leaving him again and this trip was symbolic of that, he guessed. Ian had planned it for months, choosing Canada because he wanted them to actually leave the country together this time. He’d budgeted for them both, bought them a car, told him when to ask Kev for time off, mostly worked out the routes they’d take. 

Ian was trying his best, at everything. He never missed taking his meds, he’d gotten his EMT job back, encouraged Mickey when he’d gone into business with Kev — as long as he promised not to be the one actually handling the pot. 

He knew Ian deserved a break, so it was particularly shitty that after not even 4 days on the road, the fucking car decided to try and screw it all up.

***

When whoever Roland was calling picked up, Ian turned to face his husband.  
“Well, guess that solves one problem. I just hope they don’t charge us a shitload.” 

“We can always leave it, hot-wire a new one, get the hell out of dodge.”

“Yes, the perfect vacation spot: Canadian Prison” 

Mickey rolled his eyes, even as the corners of his mouth turned up. 

“Whatever, princess.” he retorted, no bite in voice but a whole lot of fondness. “Did you see the dude’s hair? Who the hell would vote for that? 

“Be nice, Mick.” 

Ian looked over to Roland. The man had one hand on the phone, the other patting his stomach. Ugh..

Ian could tell he was making a face even as he said, “he seems like a good guy, though. Stopped to help us, right?” 

“Yea cause he’s nosy..”

Roland got off the phone then, yelling over to other men in a much louder tone than necessary.  
“Rescue team is on its way, boys. I’ll stick by until they get here, give you a ride into town.”

“Oh, you don’t ne- “

“Don’t worry about it, Red. All in a Mayor’s day’s work.”

Ian forced a smile, hoping they could wait in silence for the tow truck. No such luck, it seemed. 

“So, what are you guys like on your honeymoon or something? Where you from?” 

“uhh.. nope, just a vacation. We’re from the US, Chicago” Ian said.

“Ah, a couple's retreat huh?” Roland asked, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Ian could see Mickey scowl through his peripheral. Roland either didn’t see it, or chose to ignore it. 

“You picked the perfect town!”

”..yeah, for a murder suicide, maybe,” scoffed Mickey.

Luckily, the sound of an oncoming car muffled just about every sound. Still, Ian could hear Roland shout: “Calvary’s here!”


	2. New Guests!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I added a few more visual links to this one, but if you're big into Schitt's Creek (which I'm assuming you are if you're here), you probably won't even need them. 
> 
> Thanks again to Leilah for all the support, you're the best!

On the other side of town, at The Rosebud [Motel](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e3d6349288e21c7dbd49a99b87d3808c/0ca75e81ec29f8d9-61/s1280x1920/ccc1595a8e19cb3543974341dd72289a1ea239bb.jpg), Stevie Budd and Johnny Rose were at [reception](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fc486b671ad732399321eb5fa82eb13d/b0ceef4ffdf74c92-84/s1280x1920/705f1cd6efde77b65667d37d0d24b0524fcb4921.jpg), the main counter cluttered with sample fabric swatches as they spoke. 

Their revamp efforts had been paying off, the motel was getting great reviews online - the only negative one received having been deleted what seemed like ages ago. They had even been nominated for a Regional Hospitality Award. Johnny, a business man through and through was elated with his new venture, every week he had a new project to tackle, to sell Stevie on. 

He was currently trying to convince her that new curtains for all the rooms would be sound investment for the upcoming 3rd quarter of the year. 

“The right curtains can create a lavish space, Stevie.” Johnny explained convincingly, he’d been trying to persuade his partner of this all morning, because though he truly thinks Stevie is excellent at what she does, he always pushed to bring his worldly vision to the table. 

“It’s the small details that capture the customer, trust me.”

“I’m pretty sure the only thing our customers care about, Mr. Rose, is whether the curtains can block out the sun.” Stevie said while picking up one of the sample packets closest to her, scoffing at what she reads. 

“Italian Linen? You really think that’s worth the money? That it’s on brand for the motel?” 

“well.. perhaps you’re right.” Johnny agreed quietly, contemplating the selection before him. 

“We don't need European linen, but a nice polyester blend can still make a world of a difference..” he tried, holding up a sandy beige [swatch](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6e7db3d53a3cc86a580be48dbfe42332/7aaca8ef50868e90-e9/s500x750/21ef4c53c84dcf929a56e532d82df011e2b6833a.jpg), his expression genuine. 

Before Stevie could comment, the front door opened and in came Roland, rambling on about the motel’s no vacancy sign to two men who seemed to be following him. 

Johnny makes haste to clear the counter of his samples, greeting the incomers. 

“Hey Johnny, Stevie.. I rescued these two out by the main road, their car broke down. Bob said it probably won’t be done ‘till tomorrow, it’s a real piece of sh..” he said, hand up next to his face as if somehow that would stop the men next to him from hearing what’s coming out of his mouth. 

Johnny coughed before Roland could go on, hoping he’d get the hint. 

“So anyways, I assured Red here you’d have plenty of spare rooms.”

“It just so happens we’ve been at full capacity, lately.” Johnny asserted, voice full of pride. “But, we did have a last minute cancellation, so it seems you’re in luck. It’s a single room though, queen bed, I hope that won’t be a problem.”

“No problem..” the redhead responded, at the same time as Roland remarked “They’re married!”  
A disturbingly cheeky smirk on his face. 

“Here on a rendezvous” 

[Stevie](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e70842166fb196821415673a79db638d/4e6f7dac40a5365a-bc/s1280x1920/5423b9065e515fefba923f3ce2d7db3bf385228e.jpg), still in her seat behind the mahogany courter, watched as a pink flush ran up the taller man’s cheeks, a deep scowl resting on the face of his apparent husband. 

They’re an odd pair for Schitt’s Creek, she thought, bringing up the new guest form on the computer. 

They got a fair share of tourists in town, which still managed to surprise her, but it was mostly old couples who liked antiquing, and they never stood out like these two. 

One look at the man closest to the door, who was now running a hand down his face, let her know this probably wasn’t the case for them. Profane knuckle tattoos weren’t exactly on brand for that particular hobby. 

Plus, both were gorgeous - the one sporting the visible tattoos had jet black hair and piercing blue eyes, his milky skin slightly pink, probably from being out in the sun. His husband was significantly taller, his copper locks almost the same shade as the flush on his neck. His green eyes looked tired, tired of being annoyed - a sentiment she knew well.

On the other hand, both looked about ready to kill Roland. Maybe they fit in after all. 

***

Johnny had picked up on the shared murderous expressions as well, so before Roland could manage to scare off his news guests - or land them in jail - he decided to step in. 

“Okay, well thank you Roland, we can take it from here.” 

Taking the vacant room key from the mount behind him, he promptly ushered the men out of the reception space.

“You two can come with me, I’ll show you to your room. Don’t worry about check in,” he assured the tall man to his left, quickly glancing towards Roland, “you can give us your information later.”

He walked the couple the short distance to their room, and once at the door he handed over the key, informing them there was no rush - they could rest, freshen up and he’d be at the front desk if they needed him. 

“Thank you so much,” the redhead said with a polite smile. 

“Thanks, man.” the shorter of the two called out, having already entered the [room](https://64.media.tumblr.com/35e59eb431565d4cb695aabb68a05608/e7170b6bbd02865d-81/s640x960/584bb754a93cb177bde3fa217ff9f3dcd755fa42.jpg). 

“My pleasure.”

***

Once he walked back into reception, he could hear Roland boasting about his so-called “heroics”. 

“They’re nice enough, a little ungrateful if you ask me but that’s big city folk for you. The short one, Mickey, reminds me of the guys on this biker show I watched with Jocelyn, Sons of Anarchy. Couldn’t believe he's gay..”

“That’s not how sexuality works, Roland.” Stevie quipped, an unamused expression on her face.

“I know that Stevie. I’m not a.. umm.. what are they calling it these days?”

“A bigot”, Steve offered. 

“A boomer!” he exclaimed, two fingers tapping his temple. 

“Alright Roland, thank you very much for your work.” Johnny interjected, a hand on the other man’s shoulder, steering him towards the door. 

“We’ll let you get back to it, I’m sure you’re very busy, a mayor’s job is never done after all. You can go ahead and take the rest of the day off from the Motel, okay?”

Once the mayor had driven off, Stevie turned to Johnny, an eyebrow raised.

“I’m surprised Roland managed not to get punched in the face.” She laughed, entertained at the thought. 

“Honestly.. I wouldn’t blame them if they had.” her business partner called out, walking into the back room to retrieve extra towels for their new guests. Setting them aside he thought back to his own first encounter with Roland. 

Whoever these two were, Johnny respected them for their patience. He picked up a [treat](https://64.media.tumblr.com/af78583bab71aece7d35257368c97f7a/43e94b090b685279-9d/s640x960/04df6cd417ee44c5a96f80668bed5b92ecd541c0.jpg) from the snacks table, itching for something sweet. He’d offer the couple cinnamon rolls once they came in, he decided then. 

A Schitt’s Creek delicacy to cancel out Schiit’s creek resident pain in the ass.


	3. Dinner and a Show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you so much for taking the time to read this fic! I’m so in love with it and I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying it, too.
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than the others have been, and there’s a sex scene - which you can totally scroll past it if that’s not your vibe. 
> 
> I debated on whether I’d include it in the fic or not (it’s my first time ever writing something like this, so it totally might suck), but since this whole ride has been an adventure, I figured I’d just go for it. 
> 
> Please let me know what y’all think in the comments, they mean the world.  
> Oh and Leilah & Tha, you’re queens ❤️ 
> 
> Xx

When Ian wakes up, he temporarily can’t place where he is. The weight of Mickey’s arms thrown over his chest being his only sense of familiarity. 

He blinks his eyes open, feeling the grogginess that typically comes after a mid-day nap. He remembers now, of course; their car troubles, the irritating mayor finding them out by the road, the [shop](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c01b91a629cc97b2161af44e26934ce7/fc2e1ff3243248fe-f3/s1280x1920/fcfdc4d7a5ecec17cdfd4cb6ad62d9a37911c675.jpg) that looked perfectly fitting to the day he was having.

The lead mechanic, Bob, had grimaced while inspecting the damage. The verdict? A flakey alternator and a leaky radiator. 

Ian might not know much about cars, but he certainly thought none of that sounded easy to fix. Turns out, he was only half right. Bob had assured them his team could handle it and that it wouldn’t bleed them dry. 

“I probably won’t have it ready for you until tomorrow though, I’m afraid.”

And that was how they wound up in the local roadside motel.

It honestly wasn’t a bad place to be in, Ian had certainly seen worse. The bed was pretty comfortable and the owner had been incredibly accommodating. 

Which reminded him they hadn't properly checked in. 

Throwing some water on his face and sloshing some of the complementary mouthwash, he got dressed, grabbed his wallet and made his way out of the room. 

At reception Ian finds Johnny Rose.

“Oh hello, Ian was it?” the man greeted, flashing him an earnest smile as Ian made his way over.

“Yes, hi. Thank you again, Mr. Rose, for letting us check in like that, apparently we needed some sleep.” 

“Don’t mention it,” the man waved him off. “and please, call me John.”

“Here’s my driver’s license and credit card.” Ian said, putting his documents on the counter. He remembered the last hotel had asked them for Mickey’s information too, shit. “I don’t have my husband’s ID with me, but I can go get it for you..” 

“No worries. just his name will be fine.”

“Of course, it's Mikhailo Milkovich-Gallagher.” 

It still gave Ian a warm feeling in his chest whenever he said that out loud. He and Mickey hadn’t talked about changing their last names before the wedding, and even after it was always somewhat of a joke between them. But then one night, while they lay in bed and Ian told his husband he was only going to waste his time if he applied to be an EMT again, Mickey proposed a deal.

“I’ll tell you what Gallagher, you apply for the job like Sue told you to,” sending a pointed glare in his direction, one meant to tell Ian he was the only person who didn’t think this could happen for him, “and I’ll take your last name. A job and a ‘fuck you’ to Terry’s ghost, you gonna pass out on that?” 

“Fine, it’s a deal” Ian had agreed, entirely grateful for his partner’s faith in him, even against the odds, “but if I don’t get it, you can still change your name.” 

“Nah man, if that happens - which it won’t, I’ll do that homo shit you like.”

He got the job and Mickey still rode him while they took a bath. 

“All set.” Johnnie said, handing Ian a confirmation slip. 

Ian hadn't noticed how hungry he was until then, feeling his stomach growl. They had grabbed a quick breakfast before hitting the road, but that’d been hours ago. They’d have to grab some food later, he realised, he couldn’t take his meds on an empty stomach.

“Are there any restaurants nearby?”

“We don’t have a lot of options here in town. but you’ll be well served at the Café just down the road, you can’t miss it.” Johnnie assured him. “Oh almost forgot, please feel free to take some of the pastries we set aside. The cinnamon roll is from a local baker, he’s very talented.”

“Thanks.” Ian said as he gathered the sweets, making sure he picked up one up for Mickey.

***

When he got back to the room, Mickey was already up, waiting for him.

“Where’d you go?” he asked, hoping up off the bed to give his husband a [kiss](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a4ca18eb4b1171679fd7fe6cca4198be/de5a289eb02bef03-06/s1280x1920/ad349ce1633e26e6aade405eb712277215955cc4.jpg). 

It was almost embarrassing how much his body craved Ian. After they’d gotten married there were days they’d spend entirely in bed, fooling around like they were still horny teens. He figured he’d get bored of it after a while, but two years later and he still got a hard on every time the man walked into the room. 

“Had to check us in. Got some free cinnamon rolls too, here..” Ian handed his husband the pastry. 

Mick finished it in two bites. 

“Thanks, man, I’m fuckin’ starving… damn, these are good.”

“Right? The owner said it’s from a local bakery or something. Told me there’s a place down the road we can grab dinner at, later.”

“Think I’m hungry for something else though.” Mickey teased, cleaning his hands on his boxers. He grabbed Ian by the front of his blue tee, bringing him over to the bed.

“Another hotel bed to christen, huh?” Ian said playfully as Mickey hit the bed.

**  
They made out for a while, kisses slow and deep. Ian could feel the stress of the day dissipate while he got lost in his husband. But things heated up quickly, as it often did with them. 

Soon Mickey was on top, teasing the redhead’s hard nipples. 

“Humm..” Ian hummed, his strong hands gripping on Mickey’s hair. “Feels so good.”

Mickey continued to trail his lips over the man’s body, one hand palming his husband’s dick over his jeans. He could already feel how hard the man was.

Ian brought his hands down, unbuttoning his jeans so that Mickey could pull them off. Once Ian’s clothes were fully off, the brunette stepped out of his own boxers and tee, his cock already leaking. He noticed Ian had moved even further up the bed. Thank fuck, he thought. He hated getting rug burns on his knees now. Marriage had made him sensitive, literally.. 

He got his hands on Ian’s cock as soon as he got back on the bed, stroking a few times before he finally got his mouth on it. He traced the vein on its underside with his tongue, a move he knew always drove Ian wild. Glancing up at his husband when he felt him shiver, a low fuck escaping his lips. Popping the head in first, he licked the beads of pre-cum that had pooled, enjoying the taste. 

It wasn’t long before the redhead was tugging on his hair. indicating it was time to stop. 

“Get over here.” he’d said, tone somewhere between a plea and a command. 

They kissed briefly before the taller man flipped their positions. 

He remembered how much he loved his husband once he saw he’d already grabbed the lube from their bag. “Always prepared” he’d smirked at Ian, spreading his legs further. 

Prep was quick, ending with a chorus of Mickey’s whines.

When Ian entered him, he had to take a moment to breathe so it wouldn't all be over. Since their vacation started, the realisation that he was fucking his husband raw, in a hotel bed far, far away from Chicago was almost enough to get him there instantly. He tried to set a slower pace, in the hopes of calming himself down, but soon enough he was slamming into Mickey, thrusting deep and hard, their collective moans filling the room. 

“Fuck, just like that.” the shorter man groaned, his voice shaky. “Fuckin’ love you.”

Ian tugged on Mickey’s dick faster, desperate to get the man off. 

“So good, perfect’ he rasped, eyes closing as he felt the other man spill into his hand.  
As his own orgasm took over, he buried his head in the shorter man’s neck, slightly biting his shoulder.

“Love you, too.”

***

It was starting to get dark out by the time they make it out of bed.

Ian’s phone rings - Incoming call: Lip - just as they're getting into the shower. 

“You go in, I’ll grab one later.” he tells his husband.

“Tell that asshole to forget you, man. WE are on vacation.” Mickey snipped. He was hoping they’d fool around in the shower. Canada was doing wonders for his recovery time.

“It’ll just be a second, could be important.” the other man retorted. 

He knew it wasn’t important, or well, he hoped it wasn’t. But Ian didn’t like missing calls, especially not when he was far from home. Not after Monica.. He brushed the worry aside as he accepted the call. 

“Hey man, what’s up?” 

“Hey bro, how’s Canada?! You miss the good U.S of A yet?” his brother quipped. 

Ian could hear his niece Franny’s giggly shrieks in the background, Debbie yelling at her to put uncle Carl’s taser down, that it wasn’t a toy. He loved his family, but he didn’t miss the chaos of home quite yet. 

“Nah, ready to settle down here. Fresh air, free healthcare, hot president.”

“He’s called the Prime Minister there, bud. Better learn the lingo.”

He laughed. Smartass.

“So where are you, exactly?” Lip asked, raising his voice in an attempt to drown out the noise around him.

“Up in Schitt’s Creek.”

“What? Say that again I think the connection’s bad.”

“Nah, you probably heard me right, we’re in a little town called Schitt’s Creek. The car I bought at the action YOU sold me on, broke down in the middle of the road. We’re stuck here till it gets fixed.” Ian answered him, hoping he’d get what Ian meant - that he’d never trust his advice again. It wasn’t true, but at the moment Ian wanted it to be. 

“First of all, you’re the one who insisted on going without me that day and the one who bought the first car he saw. What’s wrong with it, though? Did you get it to a shop? You guys good?”  
Ian could hear the concern in his big brother’s voice. Good.

“We’re fine. Owner of the shop said he should have it all done tomorrow. The town’s not so bad, a little weird but the people are friendly, at lease the ones we’ve met.”

“Alright, well I have to go, just wanted to check in. Call me tomorrow, I can talk to the mechanic before he hands back the car, if you want. Oh and Franny is telling you not to forget your promise.”

“Tell her i got it. Thanks man, talk to you later.”

He hung up just as Mickey was stepping back into the room.

“What’d the douchebag want? he asks as he dries off. 

“Nothing much. Get dressed, I’m starving. Just gonna take a quick shower and we can head out.” Ian said as he entered the bathroom. 

***  
It was a short enough walk to the main downtown area, but that hadn’t meant Mickey wasn’t going to complain. 

He’d tried conniving Ian to just order in, or to grab something off the vending machine. “Not in the mood to meet more of the townies” he’d said honestly, especially not if they were all as annoying as their fuckin’ mayor. He had no hopes for a town that elected that bozo. 

But the frustrating ginger he'd married gave a whole speech about them not wasting their vacation in bed, like that was ever time wasted. 

Then the asshole played lowball, “I have to eat well before my meds, you know that”, yeah, Mickey did know that, which was why he’d fished out his black tee from the bag, throwing up only one middle finger. Dick,

They approached the doors of a place called [Café Tropical](https://64.media.tumblr.com/beff52223e2bcd670f7a7d1187b024ee/62143054fe7da880-95/s400x600/5a02313db3b59f048f7dfda7dd0f8889ed768f26.jpg).  
Probably a Canadian rip off of the Rainforest Cafe, Mickey figured, before they got inside. 

He’d gone to one once with Mandy, for her 12th birthday. Dined and dashed. He remembered all the animal noises were loud as fuck but Mandy had said she could pretend they were at a safari. It'd been fun, or whatever. 

Turns out this place was nothing like that.

The pair of them wandered over to an open booth, pretending they couldn't see that people were inconspicuously watching them. Ian hoped Mickey wouldn’t glare at them all.

A pretty [brunette](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d0f2a73b88a12a0e06d1e9d0376b1687/4ab3ea4d2e5c4be6-b5/s640x960/25266e434e747c04b079cd32b864e91b1c53b188.jpg) made her way over to them, a green apron tied around her waist. It reminded Ian of Patsy’s Pies. 

“Hi! Welcome!” The woman greeted them cheerfully, as if they were all old friends and not perfect strangers. 

“I’m Twyla. It’s just the two of you, right?” she asked as she passed them what was apparently their gigantic menu. 

“Yeah, just us.” he answered before Mickey got the chance to. Mick “didn’t trust" friendly waiters, it was a whole thing. 

“Great. Can I get you started with some drinks?” She asked, still smiling. 

It made Ian think of [Fiona](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9d6c45e4ca03fe03fd2016972e437d10/ffebfbbd61ffc962-ad/s500x750/20a858cbe4b26bd9cebd84a25686316abc732560.jpg). She smiled like that too sometimes, when she was working as a server, friendly but tired. Her loose waves in a ponytail, falling over her shoulder in the same way as the woman he looked at now. 

He was pulled out of his memories once he heard Mickey tell Twyla Ian would have a coke and he’d have a beer. 

“Sorry, we aren’t selling those today.” she’d replied, taking the pad and pen out of her apron pocket. 

“Um, I’ll have iced tea then. Two, actually.’ Ian said, looking over at Mickey, who was busy trying to open the menu. 

“Great, I’ll give you a moment to decide on the rest. Our special tonight is sushi.”

Ian and Mickey shared a look. They didn’t mind sushi, but both hated to think about what sushi in this particular forest themed café would taste like. 

**  
Diner was fine. 

They’d gone the safe route, two double cheeseburgers with an extra side of fries and some onion rings to share. It wasn’t fancy, but they didn’t really care about shit like that. After his time in prison, Ian loved nothing more than an edible burger. Plus, the price had been good. 

They were just about done when Mr. Rose and who he imagined to be his wife came in. 

Mickey actually choked on his drink as he took in the sight of them.

He’d seen some crazy ass people before, eccentric, Ian would call them, remnants of his Gay Jesus, ‘politically correct’ bullshit. He’d seen a group dressed as a bunch of alien looking freaks downtown, once, a couple people in furry suits. But this lady’s [outfit](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fc14fef158f64df5280c07ae5e3104c5/945f308f232f0292-08/s540x810/db24d5b450d3032fd3f2b29bfb5a98466190580b.jpg) certainly took the cake. Looking fully like a bat out of hell in an all leather dress-thing, with matching gloves and wings coming out her shoulders. 

“That HAS to be a sex thing.” he says to Ian, who for his part also looked shocked. “told you this town has weird sex mojo.”

“it’s not a sex thing, Mickey. People don’t wear fetish related outfits when they go out to dinner.” 

“How the fuck would you know? Plus this town is full of wackos, clearly, and don’t you fuckin’ say they’re just different..”

Ian didn’t get a chance to answer him, though that was exactly what he was going to say, because it was true and because they shouldn’t be so quick to judge anyone given their own backgrounds, but apparently their ogling had caught Johnny’s attention.

The man waived over to the couple and said something to the woman by his side. Soon they were right before their booth.

“Ian, Mickey, nice to see you two again. This is my wife, Moira. Sweetheart, these are our guests, Ian and Mickey Gallagher.” 

Moira extended a gloved hand out to both Ian and Mickey, like those ladies did in the old timey romances Ian definitely didn’t watch, sometimes. He didn't really know what to do though, cause he sure as hell wasn’t going to kiss her hand, Mickey would NEVER let him live that down, so he tried to gently shake it. Mickey just ignored her.

“Drago mi je!” she exclaimed, taking her hands back. 

Ian had no idea what the hell she’d just said. 

“It means nice to meet you in Bosnian. I must apologise, I’m still acclimating to being back in English speaking territory.” 

“Oh, are you Bosnian?” Ian couldn't identify her accent, so that made sense.

“No, no, I’m an actress, dear.” she’d replied as if the man had just asked her silliest question. 

“Moira just came home, she was in Bosnia shooting a movie.” John explained, probably reading the confusion on both the men’s faces. 

“The Crows have Eyes 3, soon coming to select streaming services near you.” the woman added, seemingly quite proud. 

“John here tells me you boys are from the windy city, how serendipitous! I’m quite familiar with Chicago..” she went on. “The musical, that is. Stared in an off-Broadway rendition of it. I believe the critics said they were “utterly aghast” by the performance.”

“Um, I don't think I’ve seen it, sadly.” Ian admitted, because that was literally the only thing he could think to say.

“Now that... is a crime.” she looked so completely serious that Ian almost wondered if it actually was. 

Mickey couldn’t give a shit about the conversation, but he honestly couldn’t look away from Moira. He even kept a hand over his mouth so he’d look more casual, though he could feel that his eyebrows were almost touching his hairline. He must have looked as perplexed as he felt. For a second he thought her clothes were made out of Glad trash bags. He’d seen hobos do that before. But the other customers barely spared a glance in Moira’s direction, which Mickey took as confirmation of insanity. They’d stared when he and Ian had walked in, but were unbothered by this lady? These Canadians were fucking batshit. 

“So,” John interjected, but before he could finish what he was saying, Twyla arrived with their bill. 

“Did you enjoy your dinner?” she asked as she picked up their empty plates. 

Mickey hummed, still looking Moira up and down. Wait, is she wearing a wig? And boots like those goth chicks from High School? That man gets whipped in bed, i fucking bet on it, he thought, as he heard his husband thank Twilight for their food.

“One of my uncles lives in Chicago,” the young server told the group while waiting for Ian to get his wallet out, “well.. he lives in the Metropolitan Correctional Center. Sends me postcards he draws himself. Mostly nude sketches of him and other inmates..”

“Yeah? Maybe we know him.” he added with a smirk, not missing the daggers Ian shot him. “So does this whole town not believe in alcohol or..” 

If he stared at Moira long enough, Mickey could almost convince himself he was tripping on acid. but still, he could use a drink.

“No, it’s just the café. We implemented a cleanse in honour of my cousin. He died of cirrhosis this week.” Twyla answered as she handed Ian back his card. “Well it was nice to meet you two!” 

Mickey watched her happily make her way over to the next table. He was positive she was deranged. 

“If you like wine, my son and his partner have a nice selection of bottles at their store. Rose Apothecary, just across the street. They should still be open.”

“Thank you Mr. Rose, um, John, we’ll check it out.” Ian said as he and Mickey got out of the booth.

“It was lovely to meet you, Moira.”

“Yes, enchanted I’m sure.” 

“Ahum.” agreed Mickey. He couldn’t wait to tell Sandy and Mandy about this town. Taking the phone from his pocket as they walked out the restaurant, he promptly looked Moira up on google so he could send a picture to their group chat.

***

“Ian, we are not going to that store. I can survive the night without booze, man.”

“It’s right there, stop bitching.” 

The men bickered as they finished smoking their respective cigarettes. 

“Plus, you just said you liked Moira.”

“No, I said we got dinner and a show. As in that lady was such fuckin’ trip I almost think she was just screwing with,”

“She’s an actress,” Ian countered, “Hollywood is full of characters.”

“Look around, bitch, we ain’t in Hollywood. We’re in the goddamned twilight zone.” Mickey said as he squished the butt with the soles of his timbs. “How much you want to bet that inside that store we’ll find people equally as strange as the ones we in there?”

He followed the redhead, crossing the road.

“Well I promised I’d get Franny a souvenir from every city we visited, so we’re going in whether you want the wine or not, Mick.”

Before Ian opened the black door of the shop, he turned to his husband:  
“Come on. they can’t all be weird.”


	4. Zchampagne!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Ian and Patrick could be great friends. Mickey and David, though?  
> This was easily the hardest chapter to write (ironic considering it was actually what inspired me to write this fic), especially because it was from David and Patrick's POV instead of Ian and Mickey's, but I like how it turned out.
> 
> Let me know what y'all think and thank you for reading! 
> 
> Xx

“Well as your brand consultant I think you should re-consider offering ayahuasca at tomorrow’s event. It’s made a comeback after Kendal Jenner’s retreat.”

“I do not care, we are not serving psychedelics at our [store](https://64.media.tumblr.com/323f57a027716255b37790d4b4ca4b05/0bce58c8a74cc5aa-ce/s540x810/2a457487339d908fc0bd39ea3a3bed7a7a8a4707.gifv), Alexis. The point of this event is to boost sales - first time trippers will be too messed up to properly take in the mystical beauty of our dream catchers. Or have you forgotten how you acted at James Franco’s Joshua Tree cabin?” 

David still vividly remembered having to convince Alexis the coyotes weren't calling her name. He’d sworn it was the last time he’d accompany his sister to a Franco event. The drugs were always too potent and the girls in attendance too young. 

“That was one time, David! And I only had a bad trip because your terrible energy kept invading my space.” 

David and Patrick were setting up for the Cosmic Meditation Clinic they were hosting the next night. Which actually meant that Patrick was on top of their ladder, hanging up the celestial decorations David had insisted they invest in, while David reorganised the perfectly fine display of mystical crystals Patrick had finished earlier. [Alexis](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f04d2c6153bea8e1e83b696f3afc2e14/c89c25784c585031-87/s540x810/1cf291c0754ed7cbbfde681c518241019caa6cfd.jpg) had come in to help, or so she claimed, instead she sat on their counter, taking selfies and “sampling” the smoked cheeses a vendor had dropped off earlier. 

“Whatever, I’m still not doing it.’ David informed his sister, sending her a final glance over his shoulder. 

He was positive the gems would glimmer best if they were away from the hard fluorescents, but Patrick had vetoed the mood lighting. 

“And stop eating the cheese, they are for paying customers.”

“Ughhh, well you aren’t paying for my services, are you? Stop being so stingy.” Alexis retorted, popping another piece of sharp cheddar in her mouth. She knew she shouldn’t consume this much dairy before dinner, but Ted was running late and she was starving.

“I didn’t hire you, did I? In fact, I literally said I didn’t need your help with this.”

The evening events had been such a success David had thought up some more, an extension of his winter solstice series. It brought in the typical townies of Schitt’s Creek but also crowds from the neighbouring towns. Last month’s Picasso Blanc had the store at full capacity and they’d sold almost their entire collection of Pinot Noir, homemade paint brushes, and the vegan paints. 

Satisfied with the healing crystals exhibit, David took a step back so he could take in the full state of the store. He often couldn't believe this was all a product of his creation, well his and Patrick’s, of course. 

Schitt’s creek had started off as a nightmare, penance for the transgressions he committed in past lives, surely. He’d never really felt like he had much, even when he'd had it all, which had become explicitly clear to him once his family lost everything. 

Ironically it was actually a lack of nothingness that had affected him the most once they'd arrived at Schitt’s Creek. 

Because for the first time in almost all his life, David wasn’t numb anymore, he couldn't just distract or bury himself in his empty lifestyle. It had forced him to feel again, even when the feelings were mostly negative.

David couldn't quite place when exactly the tides started shifting, but now, as looked over to his sister animatedly talking at his boyfriend - his first real partner, he no longer felt the quiet despair he’d grown so used to. 

***

“Patrick I still need R.A’s IG account info.” Alexis said as she jumped off the counter, smoothing over the bottom of her dress. 

She’d told her brother she’d aced the Social Media Managing term of her course, but of course he was still refusing to see how lucky he was to have her at his disposal. 

Never mind the fact that the bunny live feed she’d set up for Ted had been a tremendous hit, or that she’d steered the Motel’s online presence in the right direction - it was on the first page of google searches now. 

But did she get any recognition from her sibling? None.

Like, hello, she blogged her way out of a North Korean prison once, she could certainly handle the promotion of a small boutique. 

“You mean the store’s Instagram password? I don’t know it either, Alexis.” Patrick lied, steering clear of that impending showdown. He’d learned quickly to let David and Alexis handle their issues themselves. 

He could see that the youngest Rose clearly didn’t believe him, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms in a frustrated manner.

“Your brother handles the creative side of things, remember? Social media is a creative outlet.”

He actually wasn’t completely lying, David did manage their Instagram profile and it actually was in the creative realm, but it was also a valuable marketing tool..

As he finished hanging up the astronomy maps, he decided he’d talk to David that night about giving Alexis the access she asked for. 

He knew she was passionate about marketing, and his boyfriend did too. He wasn’t outwardly mushy about it, but David would regularly tell him about his sister’s proposals, and if he was reluctant to accept them - claiming he had a ‘very established vision’ for Rose Apothecary, Patrick could still always pick up the pride in his voice. 

“I’ll talk to him, okay?” he turned back, assuring Alexis he was on her side, too. At that she just shrugged, uncrossing her arms in the process, shoulders less tense. She might have been acting very nonchalant, but it was enough to earn him a happy side smile. 

“Patrick, honey, can you come help me find them?” he heard his partner call out from the back room. He’d gone to fish out the white Christmas lights they kept stored, insisting it would help tie together the twinkling constellation vibe he was going for. 

David was directing his boyfriend to the pile of boxes on his left when he heard the door opening, and Alexis greeting the potential customers. 

“Welcome to Rose Apothecary, I’m Alexis Rose and you two are?” 

She was using the interested voice she reserved for new and attractive people, so David knew it wasn’t anyone they knew. He sighed and walked out front.

“Uh, hi. We were told by the Motel owner - your dad, I'm assuming, that we could buy some wine here.” 

The voice belonged to a tall redhead in a dark green henley that accentuated his muscular build. David was suddenly extremely aware of how long it’d been since he’d attempted to lift weights. 

But before he could go down a self deprecation spiral, the shifty man who was apparently inaudibly talking to himself while making his way to the store’s refrigerated section caught his attention. 

“You owe me money, bitch.” he called out to the man he’d come in with, suddenly. 

David quickly worried this was some sort of debt collection situation. 

“Well in that case I’ll have to see some I.D.” Alexis flirted, naturally. She was harmless but that didn’t mean David wanted her harassing his patrons, especially not the hot and seemingly normal ones - though David knew you could never tell who was normal or not at first glance, especially when it came to attractive men. 

Still, this was business, he’d focus on the sale. 

“Don’t mind her, she doesn’t work here.” he said, sending his sister a pointed glare. She just stuck her chin out, her eyes telling him to fuck off. 

“You do have to be more specific though, what type of wine are you in the market for?” he continued, though the attractive man before him seemed to flounder at his question. Okay, a different approach then, he thought before adding, “What meal are you pairing it with?” 

That typically made the selection process easier, he’d found, but before the redhead had a chance to answer, the stocky brunette bellowed over, “What the fuck is Zchampagne?”

The commotion peaked Patrick’s interest and soon enough he was standing beside his boyfriend.

“We’ve already eaten, actually. So it’d be more for like winding down, you know?” The customer finally answered, still looking slightly unsure. 

“Are you both travelling with partners, like romantic partners? If so, do you know what their preferences are?” Alexis asked, her head slightly tilted as she took in the man before her. She didn’t like to assume people’s sexuality, and it’s not like she actually cared - she loved Ted, but she was the curious type, especially when it came to hunky redheads. 

Until that moment she’d thought Prince Harry had turned her off the type. She’d dated him a few years back but found that unless ‘your royal highness’ was drunk or high, he was an extreme bore. 

“If this is intended to be helpful, you can leave now, Alexis. Thanks so much.” David asserted, 100% done with his sister’s antics. 

Thankfully, a car beeped its horn outside - Ted waiting for her. They had a standing weekly dinner date night in Elmdale. David had never been so grateful. 

“It was nice to meet you.” she said, smiling at the stranger one last time, making her way to the door.

“Bye Patrick. Lick rust, David.”

David was about to apologise for the intrusive question, when the other man joined the customer in front of him, carrying two bottles of [Herb Ertlinger wine](https://64.media.tumblr.com/df6e46cde11095f7a3244f05c207715d/f17dbf9dc31b52b0-b0/s1280x1920/5868e2d5b48f1bad0c041058009c009d02635d1d.png) \- one Chardonnay and one Merlot, from what David could see of the labels. Though he was honestly more preoccupied taking in the FUCK U-UP tattoo on the man’s knuckles. 

David didn’t know if he was completely turned off or disturbingly turned on. 

“Here”, the man said, handing the other the bottle of merlot, “shit looks like blood, your vampire looking ass will probably like it.” he said with a smirk. 

“Ha Ha.” the other replied, a fake annoyed but actually fond expression playing on his face. David recognised it well - it was the same look Patrick would often give him.

“I guess we’ll take this..”

Patrick, who had been silently watching the men, offered the redhead a smile, “Of course, let me take that off your hands. Anything else we can get you?”

“Yeah, actually. I was hoping to get some souvenirs for my sister and niece. You have anything a 7 year old would like?” the man asked, handing Patrick the bottle. 

“Sure, I’ll show you [around](https://64.media.tumblr.com/df6e46cde11095f7a3244f05c207715d/f17dbf9dc31b52b0-b0/s1280x1920/5868e2d5b48f1bad0c041058009c009d02635d1d.png), we should have a few options. I’m Patrick, by the way, and that’s my partner David. He’s John’s - the Motel owner’s son.” 

“Right, I can see the resemblance. I’m Ian and this is my husband, Mickey..”

***

As Patrick and Ian walked further into the store, David was trying not to focus on the fact that this Mickey person was looking him over, his gaze intense and sarcastic. 

It made David feel like he was a part of an inside joke he wasn’t made aware of, and it reminded him of High School. No amount of therapy could cure the irritation linked to those memories. 

“Can I help you?” David finally asked, turning fully to face the other man.

“Nah, [Lighting McQueen](https://64.media.tumblr.com/615ada0fc3453bf0d76467b830c83408/94770c2f9eff5302-6f/s500x750/81ae90e69fcd907b269559b939e3addfb106de54.jpg), I’m good.” he quipped, rolling his eyes. 

David literally couldn't believe this short man had just gratuitously insulted him, while simultaneously acting like HE was the one being bothered. Plus had he just called him a Queen?

“Is that suppose to be some sort of gay joke?” 

“The fuck? How is that gay joke, he’s a car…” 

David thought maybe the guy was having a stroke, sputtering nonsense, cause what came out of his mouth made even less sense than casual homophobia would have, and to top it off Mickey looked just as confused - as if HE hadn't been the one to make the comment in the first place. 

“Who is a car? What are you talking about?”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about? You’re the one asking stupid questions?” 

“I am??” David nearly shouted, bewildered by the entire exchange. Maybe Alexis had spiked his drink with ayahuasca at lunch, some sort of guerilla marketing.

“Jesus.. the people in this fuckin’ town, with your crazy ass outfits and your dumbass questions.. Ian hurry the fuck up, man.” Mickey exclaimed, scrunching up his face and pinching the bridge of his nose as if every second spent with David was causing him physical pain. 

It was maddening.

“Excuse me, this is a [Niel Barett custom piece](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bddcc7f33e7adba7127a3ba99941fb8b/84b27eab78d60da8-ea/s400x600/c03fc9482b7a278c4b97b2e6940dd371b0f0625c.jpg), Mr. [light-wash jeans](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3ba2aa9c3cb02aa28c9c70414927a782/9b9b75eb2a325690-4f/s500x750/138c16848d41dbb183551d9d4d636f885f2ff065.png).” 

The sheer gall of this man. 

“Yeah, whatever, like I’m ever gonna take fashion advice from a dude in [diaper pants](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9fa2fb892d70faebb2fba1333abb558d/09a985405c153e34-65/s400x600/9c7756138b9e86869c0f9eb8b069cb5aca136a96.jpg).”

Before David had the chance to respond, his boyfriend and Ian came back, the latter carrying a knitted himalayan scarf and two of the custom welded mini [sword pens](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d059fd6918d61ebddfe39513fa541d0b/abd98098e8351bf2-b5/s500x750/341b96c6f07e9e5fd25144f0fc2ae75c7827738d.jpg) they’d ordered for the medieval themed game night.

The duo looked apprehensive. as they took in the sight of David and Mickey. who both had their arms crossed, exasperated/murderous scowls on their faces. 

“They have a bunch of interesting stuff here, Mick, you should have come taken a look.” Ian said, slipping an arm around his husband’s waist, probably trying to defuse whatever situation they had just walked into. The shorter man visibly relaxed at the touch. It made Patrick think of David and how his touches always had the same effect on him. 

Except now David was just giving him one of his looks, the one that was meant to urge him to ring up the order, so he could get rid of whatever customer was annoying him. He got that exact look on his face every single day. 

[Patrick](https://64.media.tumblr.com/007b5b924ea85bae3c4769664cc25431/564de45260f42bd4-8a/s640x960/8b01f198bfbc140f7abcdbb597536ca06f6c7404.jpg) knew his boyfriend wasn’t going to like what was coming next. 

“The guys are staying at the Motel, David. Their car broke down just outside of town so they’re here until it gets fixed. Said we’d love to give them a ride since we’re already closing up.”

Bingo. David looked over at him like he’d broken one of his Mariah Carrey collector’s CDs. 

“It’s really not necessary, we’ll be fine,.” Ian argued as he swiped his card. He’d been reluctant to accept when Patrick had first offered, but it had started raining while they shopped and Patrick knew from experience it wasn’t going to let up anytime soon. 

“It’s no trouble at all, I told you, we are already going there anyways.” 

Once he handed the man his purchases, he locked up the cash register and made his way into the back room to get his and David’s bags. He could hear Ian’s attempt at small talk.

“It’s really cool that these are all from local vendors, we don't really see a lot of that stuff where we’re from.”

“Yeah, it's a nice way to showcase the local talent. There are some pretty creative people around here.” David acknowledged, surprising himself a little at the desire he’d felt to talk up Schitt’s Creek and the neighbouring community. 

But it wasn't like he was lying; his idea for the store had only worked because of the selection of products he was able to curate. 

“That’s one way of putting it.” Mickey grumbled, earning him a not so subtle pinch at the hip. With that alone David decided he liked Ian a hell of a lot better. 

“Ready,” Patrick announced, “let’s hit the road.” 

***

The ride over to the motel should have been in perfect silence, as far as David was concerned, the heavy rain drops hitting the exterior of the car providing background noise. But his boyfriend was truly too polite to accept something like that. 

“So have you guys wandered around any? There isn’t much to do, but there are some interesting shops downtown..” Patrick inquired, glancing up at the rearview mirror to see if the other men were comfortable. He knew it was probably a tight squeeze for the taller of the two, but you couldn't see it on his face.

“Nah, didn’t really get a chance to. We were pretty beat from the trip. But we did get dinner at the Café, that’s when John told us about your store.” 

“Oh I see.” Patrick remembered going to the Café when he’d first gotten to town, he’d been bombarded with questions from a handful of the locals, who apparently already knew all about him, but clearly still wanted the juice straight from the source. “Yeah, that’s where most of the town goes to grab a bite, or fill up on their daily gossip.”

The redhead laughed a little, politely, before adding “It was chill. We mostly just talked to the server Twyla, and John and his wife, of course”

Now that peaked David’s interest, thinking back to the brute’s comment about ‘crazy ass outfits’. Of course he’d met his mom. 

“They’re certainly some of the most interesting people in town.” Patrick added.

David could hear a scoff coming from behind him. He wished Patrick had them drown outside.

“Yes and everyone is very accepting here. Appreciative of personal differences and exquisite tastes in fashion. Some people really could learn a lot from them.”

Patrick looked over to him with a confused but entirely amused expression, the Motel coming into sight.

“Yeah, uh, absolutely.” agreed the redhead, sounding slightly uncomfortable.

Once Patrick pulled over in his usual spot, the men said their goodbyes, a chorus of ‘thank you’s and ‘nice to meet you’s before heading in opposite directions.. 

*** 

“What was that about?” Patrick asked as soon as they’d entered the room, noting that David still had a stormy look in his eyes. 

“That.. was me having to deal with the fact you rolled out the red carpet for a possible homophobe.” his tone accusatory. 

“Homophobe? He’s here with his husband, David - who was perfectly nice, by the way. We had a nice chat while he shopped..”

“Queer people can still be homophobic, Patrick,” David knew he was probably exaggerating, the man hadn’t outright done anything that explicitly suggested he had a problem with David being gay, “but fine, maybe not homophobic but certainly rude and much too full of himself for a man in a denim jacket.”

“I thought he was kinda hot.” Alexis noted from where she sat in her bed, as if this was a group discussion. David hadn’t even noticed she was in the room. 

“Um aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” 

“Well if you must know, David, Ted doesn't love driving during rainstorms so I suggested we just go home, because I’m a considerate girlfriend.” she answered, [looking up from her magazine](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f0e2df6046f9e1c1fc93cf63b7349be3/be1ee2832fe6e6b8-c0/s1280x1920/1ce154e29a7f17cca9c07bde2e2d1754df1c2153.jpg). 

“.. or because you ate your weight in cheese and now you feel sick..” 

“As I was saying.. I thought both of them were very attractive. And don’t you act like you didn't because I know for a fact you had a thing for the whole ‘bad boy type’, I remember that tattoo artist from SoHo.”

This was news to Patrick. 

“First of all, no I don’t, I HAD a ‘thing’ for emotionally manipulative men, and second of all, thanks to Dr. Ephrom, I’m no longer attracted to men who mock my appearance.”

That was also news to Patrick. 

“Wait, did he say something to you? Is that why you went on that whole spiel about people being accepting here?“ he asked David as he sat down next to him, messaging the man’s shoulders. His mood made a lot more sense now. 

“Can we drop it, please? It’s fine, it’s over, I plan on popping a xanax and forgetting all about the little pit bull.” David said as he leaned into his boyfriend’s touch.  
“Anyways, it’s not like we’ll see them again..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Facts: 
> 
> * David never watched the movie Cars, doesn't even know it exists. He is completely baffled by Mickey. 
> 
> * The Medieval Game Night was Patrick's idea and it turned out to be one of their most profitable events, although Alexis had been the one responsible for most sales that night. She'd come in during the event looking for a last minute gift to give Ted'd dad and once the group of nerds (affectionate) heard the woman say she loved woody scents in a cologne, every single one of them wanted a bottle.


	5. Checking out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just like that, it's done!! 
> 
> I truly can't belive I finished my first fic and in a week! What a whirlwind it's been.  
> Writing fanfiction was something I never thought I'd do, something I honestly thought I would be horrible at. When I said fuck it and gave it a go, I still expected it to suck. But I'm fully and totally in love with this story and this world. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read my story, it means the world to me.  
> Thalita and Leilah, this wouldn't exist without your support. Thank you. 
> 
> As always, let me know what y'all think in the comments. Reading them gives me the greatest joy.  
> Much love to all of you! Xx

“We forgot to get a corkscrew.. I’m gonna go check if reception has one we can borrow.”

They did, thankfully and now Ian and Mickey could finally relax in bed, Ian nursing one of the whiskey style glass cups he'd found over by the mini fridge, Mickey holding the actual bottle. Typical. 

“So what did you say to David, Mick? I know you said something..” he asked his husband after taking a sip of wine, grimacing at the fact it tasted both bitter and sweet. 

“What makes you think I said something?”

The fact he wasn't born yesterday, for starters. 

“You didn’t? So you screaming at me to hurry up, the fact you both looked ready to kill each other and his pointed comment of people leaning to be accepting or whatever, none of that’s related?” 

Mickey looked completely nonplussed, raising the bottle to take his own chug.

“All I know is the apple didn’t fall far from the tree - dude was off his fuckin’ rocker. And he had a real stick up his ass. I didn't do shit.” he spit out, still not looking at Ian directly. 

It’s not so much that Ian didn’t believe his husband, it’s that he knew him. He loved Mickey - more than anything, but he knew the man had a natural talent for pushing people’s buttons, even he didn’t intentionally mean to do it. 

“You made a comment about his outfit, didn’t you?”

“No!” This time Mickey did look over to him, clearly annoyed. “I called him lightening mcqueen, cause you know,” gesting ot he front his shirt, “and suddenly the bitch was asking me if lightning was gay and shit, like how the fuck am I suppose’ to know? And then he started ripin’ on my jacket. I’m telling you, he was fucking nuts, man.”

Ian sighed, shaking his head as he swallowed down more of his drink. 

“I told you we shouldn’t have gone in there.”

“Speak for yourself, I had a nice time. Patrick’s a good guy..” he didn’t miss Mick’s dramatic eye roll. “He gave us a ride, Helped me pick out some great gifts, told me about the store. I’M glad we went in.” 

He was, he knew Franny and Liam were going to love the pens. 

“Plus this wine isn't half bad.” he added half heartedly 

“Bullshit.” Mickey called out, still turned to him. “No way you wouldn’t trade this for one of the Alibi’s shitty beers.” 

Ian could point out the fact that they were already halfway done with the bottle, but he dropped it, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol in his system. Instead he went with, “It’s romantic..: giving his husband what he hoped as a sweet, seductive smile. 

It must have been because he got one of his favourite Mickey grins in return. 

“You’re so fuckin’ gay.”

“Lucky you, huh?” he said, reaching over to his favourite idiot. The wine was sort of shit, but not when he tasted it on the other man’s lips. 

That night, as they polished off the bottle in between long make out sessions and silly tickling (entirely initiated by Ian) - that led to play fighting - that led to more making out, Ian felt like he was on cloud 9. In a haze of wine, the only thing he could smell was Mickey and the only sounds he heard were the ones made by them and the rain hitting the window. It made Ian feel like they were in their own little world and it was exactly what he had wanted. His heart was incredibly full. 

*** 

The next morning though, all Ian had were regrets. 

Turns out he’s even more of a lightweight when it comes to wine. So when his alarm blared at 7am, all he could do was reach over to the nightstand and take his meds dry. His body already hated him, it couldn't get any worse. But then it did.

“Come on, sleepy head. You’ve slept in long enough, we need to get some food in you or you’ll just feel sicker.” 

Ian looked like death, but Mickey knew from experience that the more his husband deviated from his routine the higher the chances his meds would stop working, so he had to get him up.

This had been one of the things that kept him up at night once Ian had gotten serious about their trip. His work hours were bullshit, but at least it kept him on a regulated schedule. Mickey feared that suddenly messing with that would set Ian off somehow. 

Luckily it hadn’t been too much of an issue. He’d found most of the hotels they’d stayed at offered complimentary breakfast and that’d meant they had a reason to get up early - which fucking sucked but it was way better than the alternative. 

“I’m fine, Mick. It’s just a hangover. I overdid it last night but I took my meds. You don’t have to worry.’

Mickey let a sigh out, relieved Ian was talking, his voice normal if only slightly annoyed. 

Ian hated worrying Mickey - hated the fact there was a reason Mickey had to worry about him in the first place. They were on vacation. They were meant to relax, get drunk, sleep in past check out, wake up wrapped up in each other without a care in the world. It’s what he wanted for Mickey, but being married to Ian meant he’d probably never have it, not entirely. 

He opened his eyes and saw the fondness in his husband’s gaze, could feel the tenderness in his touches. Mickey shouldn't have to worry about him. 

So he pushed the nausea down and shrugged the comforters off of him, swearing he’d never drink wine again. 

Eventually they made it the café. It was packed - apparently the residents of Schitt’s Creek were big into Saturday Brunch. As luck would have though, they managed to snag an empty booth and soon they were being greeted by Twyla’s open, friendly smile. 

“Hey! Welcome back!”

***

Ian feels exponentially better after he got some hot black coffee in him.. 

The pancakes helped too. In fact he could bathe in the maple syrup. He dreaded the thought of going back to Aunt Jemaima, it would just never hit the same after his days in the Canadian countryside. 

“I’m so happy we did this. I don’t want to go home.” he said to Mickey as he took a bite.

“Yea? You in love in Canada now?” 

“Nah, I’m in love with having you all to myself every day. Privacy. Freedom. Getting to see new places, even if you make enemies everywhere you go.” 

The joke made Mickey smile, all the worry from their morning gone. 

“Shut up, no I don’t. People are just fuckin annoying.” he retorted, like Ian knew he would. “I’m glad we did this, too. Feel like I barely get to see you some days, you know?”

“I know, I hate it.”

Ian loved being an EMT, it’s the only job he’d had that gave him a sense of purpose when he was levelled and clear headed. With a felony record, he thought that part of his life had died and he made peace with it as best he could. 

But then the unexpected happened and the universe gave him a second chance, and there were no words that could describe how grateful he was. But it’d meant he had to make do with whatever shifts they had for him, which resulted in him usually working nights. It also meant he rarely got to sleep next to Mickey for more than a couple hours. There were also no words that could describe how much that sucked.

“It’s okay, it’s your job. I’m just saying’ it’s been nice is all.” 

Mickey hadn't said it to upset Ian. That's the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn’t even complaining, really. Nothing made him happier than to see Ian doing what he loved, and he deserved it - he was a great EMT, Mickey was fucking sure of it. But he was great company, too, and Mickey missed being around him all the time. He’d gotten used to it and now, during their trip, it was easy to get used to it again. 

“I love you, Mickey.” Ian said as he reached over the table to [grab a hold of Mickey’s hand](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0c8cb49259ca122dc4b1844bf600008d/7c406055cebda479-cd/s1280x1920/a7e50f3964e7ab51b2dda9f9abbb9a40366479e9.jpg), interlocking their fingers. Sometimes, he thought his heart could burst with how much he loved the other man - especially when he was smiling at him, running his thumb along Ian’s. They’d come so far but the intimate display of affections, so casual now, still gave him the same thrill from when he was 15.

“Aright alright, enough, you fuckin sap.”

They had to release each other’s hands so they could continue eating, but the [adoring](https://64.media.tumblr.com/441e1c771481a60a6b8c1a0c90fdbf60/3a65a1d85c3885b3-9e/s250x400/cb2fe300d4f871552ac45eef64c402666d9dc0a3.gifv) [gazes](https://64.media.tumblr.com/26e0002073d8b241b732e9026a27d253/9ed141f545439dda-8d/s250x400/71f8b7eef3d67aadd1cd56c9a895efac48e3172b.gifv) remained on each of their faces. 

***

They were just about done with breakfast when Ian spotted David and Patrick come in, the café still overflowing with customers. Still basking in the warmth he felt from the sweet moment with his husband, Ian called over to the couple, telling them they were welcome to share their booth.

“It’s okay, we don't want to intrude. We’ll take our order to go.” David assured him, looking like a polite deer caught in headlights. Same expression Mickey would have any time they went out with Franny and someone acted as if she were their daughter. 

“No, please, join us. We’re just finishing up anyways, you can keep the booth.” Ian said as he got up to sit next to Mickey. 

Patrick looked over at his boyfriend for only a second, before promptly taking a seat further into the booth, as to leave space for the other man, who now had no other choice but to accept, begrudgingly. 

For two people who had apparently hated each other on sight, Ian thought, David and Mickey seemed to have a few things in common. 

“Thanks guys.” Patrick smiled as Twyla came to take their order. 

“So have you picked up your car yet?” the same man asked the couple while David spoke to the busy server.

“Not yet, just waiting on the call.”

“Well if you guys are still in town tonight, the meditation clinic I told you about starts at 7.”

“Oh that’s..” Ian started saying before getting cut off by Mickey.

“not your thing?”

“Uh, no, I was gonna say that sounds cool. I actually meditate quite a lot.”

Ian did. About a year and a half ago, when he’d first reconnected with Sue, she’d told him he should start going to therapy, that it would look better to future employers if he could guarantee them he was getting continued treatment. 

He hadn’t known she was in the process of getting promoted and this was her way of tactfully guiding him in the right direction for a potential rehire. But he’d taken the advice anyways, especially once she told him her own therapist had a community outreach program, and would take in a few clients who currently didn't have insurance coverage, without going broke. 

Dr. Leilah Cardoso was the best therapist Ian had seen, and when he got his job back it meant his bi-weekly sessions could turn into weekly ones. 

She’d also been the one to get him into mediation, promising it’d help him stay off the ledge once his days got more hectic. It was slow going at first, relying solely on the Headspace app he’d downloaded on his phone. That was a little over a year ago and now he would meditate for at least 30 minutes before and sometimes during his shifts. He’d even tried to get Mickey into it, though the man had insisted his preferred mediation style was “fucking”. Still, he’d humour Ian sometimes, and even if he didn’t admit it, he knew his husband could see some benefits.

“Ian’s an EMT, David. Stressful job.” Patrick explained, his tone a tad chastising. They’d talked a little about mediation and what Ian did while they looked around the store, Patrick telling him the decor they had up was for an event they were hosting the next night.

The man’s tone seemed to have the desired effect because David looked sincerely embarrassed, remorseful even. “Oh I-“ ..

“Don’t worry about it.” Ian assured him, too much in a good mood to let the man’s assumptions bother him. Plus, Ian could hear his husband snort, clearly amused to see the other man eat crow. David was probably still on the defensive from whatever transpired between them. Men could be so stupid. 

“But yea, if shit goes south with our car we’ll definitely stop by, thanks Patrick.” They were just about finished with their coffees, so it was time to go anyway. “it was nice to meet you both. Best of luck with the store!” he said, getting up from the booth.

“Thanks, man. It was a pleasure, and good luck with the car!” Patrick said just as David responded with his own “Nice to meet you, Ian.”, both sending him a smile. 

“Nice to meet you, IAN. Fucker.” Mickey mocked for only Ian to hear, as they made their way to the register.

***

Bob calls them about 20 minutes after they’d gotten back. Offers to drop the car off at the Motel so they don’t have to walk to the shop. They just about manage to grab a quick shower and finish up packing whatever clothes they’d left out by the time he’s honking for them outside. 

Ian asks Mickey to check them out so he can sort the payment out with Bob. Calling Lip as he made his way outside.

Mickey was expecting to see John behind the counter, but he found a [chick](https://64.media.tumblr.com/80f5ee5b58b898d10186b90d78785b33/5a3fd47f3769e446-cb/s500x750/df670575e36d0440f1850a41c74e648f50304c58.jpg) instead, in a jean jacket, he noted.

“Checking out so soon?” her tone indicating she absolutely doesn't give shit either way.

“Yea. Car got fixed.” he still answered, 'cause what else was he supposed to do.

“But there’s still so much to see!” 

Mickey liked the sarcasm, it was the best way to communicate, in his opinion. 

“Yea, guess we’re gonna miss all the famous sights..” he quipped while typing in his card’s pin.

“You should buy some postcards, so you don’t forget your wonderful stay.” pointing over to a card display they have on the desk behind him. Mickey can’t believe this place actually seold postcards.

“Nah, shit’s burned in my memory.”

“Well, here you go.” she said as she handed him his receipt. “Hope you enjoyed your stay.” 

“Oh yea, thinking about moving and all that.” 

“We do have a great monthly discount.” he heard her say before he walked out the door. 

He decided she was the only truly likeable person in the whole town. 

***

Ian is already sitting in the driver’s seat when Mickey finds him. 

“Ready to go?” the man asks, watching his husband open the door. The repair had only cost them a couple hundred bucks and Lip had seemed satisfied with the brief conversation he'd had with Bob, not trusting Ian would know how to tell him what had gone wrong with the car in the first place. 

Their Jeep might still be sort of a piece of shit, but honestly he could say that for most things in his life and it didn’t mean he appreciated them any less. Plus, hadn’t it been for the old car breaking down, him and Mickey wouldn't have wandered into the odd town with it’s memorable characters. It'd be one less story for him to tell when asked about his vacation and that would have been a real shame.

Mickey got in the car and smiled at his husband, who looked so happy, clearly excited to get on with their trip. Schitt’s Creek was a shitshow, as far as he was concerned, but it hadn’t been all bad. Hell. prison hasd't been all bad, because he’d been with Ian. He’d be fine going anywhere as long as it meant he'd be with that stupid redhead he was disgustingly in love with. If he found he wanted to move to this place, in the middle of nowhere, all Ian had to do was ask. Mickey could tolerate the crazy townies if it meant keeping [that grin](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d2c4be8ec3e45995cf227662ccd20c97/c761e3b1186e776d-b8/s1280x1920/951b22b841250a5bc938c619ebbe530311b92982.jpg) on his husband’s face. 

But for now, he was ready to get the hell out of dodge.

“Let’s ride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, for one, would love for them to move to Schitt's Creek.  
> But alas..

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Xx  
> Comments are love.
> 
> Talk to me over on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mprods)!


End file.
